Thursday, October 8, 2009

The Perks of Optimism?

I'm trying this new thing. I'm quite wary of the results. It seems to me however the only way to get through this predicament I find myself in is to let everything roll off of my like I waterproofed my stylish yet shabby chic pullover. The problem I'm finding so far in this endeavor is I'm finding is that optimism goes hand in hand with lying. Lying to yourself mostly and then cheerfully spreading the lie to those around you. Who honestly believes that I can be supportive and patient when in fact I am a selfish and anxious creature of habit that likes to surround herself with everything she loves even at the inconvenience of those around her. The concept of "space" eludes me especially when the words "I love you" are also used in the same conversation.

Here is where I have to learn to grasp this concept and fast or lose what I care about. And which is worse: permanent loss or "space". "Space" I have learned is a convenient concept for the person wishing for it but is not actually definable. I do know however that it comes with a side of discontentment with a lovely dipping sauce of anxiety and I often over use condiments.

Now I have come with several solutions for dealing with this emotional condiment overload: 1. Stay busy. Maybe a new hobby? Beekeeping perhaps? I never had a green thumb but it's the ultimate test of optimism to try to cultivate greenery in the face of the all too soon arrival of wintry onslaught. Maybe I will write that novel. Maybe I will put my clothing away.
2. Surround yourself with people you love who don't ask for this "space". I must say though, cuddling with your roommate's dog is not as satisfying as cuddling with one's beau. And the boy does smell better. I also am not really fond of creatures that will do whatever I ask as long as I'm waving food in their face.
3. Sleep.

Sleep is really the best option I have because I don't like to listen to advice because it's riddled with things I do not want to do and no one is waving a biscuit in my face. So the next thing on my list is to invest in some stylish and warm pajamas, a play list to dream to (no love songs need apply), crawl in, cuddle up and wait it out under the blissful ignorance of my surroundings that only sleep and being completely "tanked" can provide. I think I'll emerge from hibernation on Saturday, a friend is turning 21 and even though I have not experienced this phenomenon first hand I'm told that she will be bought shots and be completely and entertainingly drunk for the duration of her birthday. I think I will live vicariously through her since my own 21st birthday was a failure (except for the efforts of such beau that requires "space"). Being drunk is an acceptable alternative to unconsciousness. Optimism be damned, I think I'll have a nap instead.

So thus ends my first entry but I think I can call this day three of this discontentment.